How do you live with S&M, BDSM, Torture,
Spanking, Pissing or Humiliation?
The terms "S&M" and "SM" were originally derived from
the clinical terms sadism, masochism and sadomasochism. Some practitioners,
especially those producing pornography, attempted to distance themselves from
what was then classified as a mental illness and began to use the term "B&D"
(Bondage & Discipline). The The terms "S&M" and "SM" were originally derived
from the clinical terms sadism, masochism and sadomasochism. Some practicioners,
especially those producing pornography, attempted to distance themselves from
what was then classified as a mental illness and began to use the term "B&D"
(Bondage & Discipline). The terms "DS", "D/s", "domsub" or "subdom" were also
used to refer to some or all of BDSM, including sadomasochistic activities (for
example, in "Different Loving" and "The Loving Dominant".) However, BDSM was
developed as a composite abbreviation for B&D, D/s and SM, although some
practicioners believe that D/s should not be linked to BD/SM or "physical BDSM".
Some BDSM terminology:
24/7: A relationship in which protocols are in place continuously.
Animal transformation fantasy: Fantasy in which the focus is on the sub entering
the altered mindspace of a different species, typically a dog, pony or horse.
Abrasion: Using something rough (such as sandpaper).
Aftercare: The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants
calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal reactions to them, and
slowly come back in touch with reality. BDSM often involves an endorphin high
and very intense experience, and failure to engage in proper aftercare can lead
to subdrop as these return to more everyday levels.
Ageplay: Usually referring to Daddy/daughter or Mommy/baby role play. Does not
usually include or imply aspects of incest, but rather the nurturing
relationship of Parent/child or Teacher/student.
Anal torture: The BDSM practice of inflicting pain on the anus.
Animal Play: The sub acts or dresses like an animal (puppy, pony, cow, etc.).
Auctioned off: Dom/me auctions off the Slave to the highest bidder (usually
supervised and for temporary use).
Bad pain: Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM
practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often quite
pronounced) consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is
consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. "Bad pain" is pain which is
outside hard limits, non-mutual or non-valued, not wished for, and of limited or
no value in this context.
BDSM: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism
Bottom: submissive or one who gives up control, or simply one who receives
physical sensation from a Top in a scene.
Breath Control: The Dom controls the sub's breathing.
Butt plug: Much like a dildo, only shaped slightly differently. The flared base
allows for safe anal penetration. They come in a variety of sizes; some can
vibrate.
Chastity: a form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is
prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at the whim or
choice of their partner, usually by means of a device (called a chastity belt or
sometimes for men a cock cage) that prevents contact and is controlled by means
of a lock by the partner.
CBT: Cock and ball torture
Cock slap: the act of hitting or slapping a partner with the penis in a
demeaning manner.
Collared: Submissive or slave who is owned, usually (but certainly not
exclusively) in a loving intimate relationship. A Dom(me) may have multiple
persons collared
Collaring: The formal acceptance by a dom, of a sub's service. Also the Ceremony
when a Dom commits to a sub (much like a wedding or other contract).
Consent: Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing bdsm relationship.
Consensual non-consensuality: A mutual agreement that within defined limits, or
subject to a safe word or other restrictions, and commonsense, consent will be
given as read without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is
a show of trust and understanding and usually undertaken only by partners who
know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear safe limits on their
activities.
Contract: A written-out agreement between the Dom/me & sub. It can be either
formal or non, and is usually written after much negotiation by the Dom/me and
the sub, outlining what structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries to the
relationship are agreed upon by the two . It is NOT legally binding but should
be taken seriously.
DM: Dungeon Monitor, a person who volunteers to supervise the interactions
between participants at a play party to ensure their safety.
Dom: Man who takes control (from Dominant)
Dominant (Dom/Domme) (also Dominatrix)
Domme: Female who takes control (contraction of Dominatrix)
D/s: Domination/submission
Donkey punch: 1. the act of hitting or slapping a partner with the penis in a
demeaning manner. 2. the act of punching or abusing a partner during an orgasm.
Dungeon: Usually referring to a room or area with BDSM equipment and play space
Edgeplay: SM play which pushes the limits of the persons involved. This can be
particularly dangerous activities such as fire, electricity, or cutting, but
often isn't dangerous at all.
Endorphin rush: Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the "high" people
often get from activities such as sex, or high-risk sports, and is the body's
response to heightened or intense experiences of certain kinds. BDSM activities,
especially those incorporating a degree of sensation play often cultivate the
endorphin rush as part of their "payoff" to the sub. But also see aftercare for
the care needed to ensure that subdrop does not occur afterwards as the body
returns to normal.
Erotic sexual denial: keeping another person aroused while delaying or
preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of
anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. Also see
tease and denial and chastity.
Fetish: A specific obsession or delight in one object or experience.
Fire play: Using flammable liquids to create quick, fleeting instances of flame
on the skin of the bottom. Risk of injury is increased and the Top should be
learned with fire play skills.
Genitorture: Torture of the genitals
Good pain: Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM
practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often quite
pronounced) of consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is
consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. "Good pain" is therefore
pain that is mutually agreed, desired or permitted by the submissive partner to
be experienced, and seen by them as of enjoyment or value.
Golden showers: Urinating on, or being urinated on by, another person.
Gorean: A BDSM sub-genre based upon the rituals and practices created within the
world of Gor in the erotic novels by John Norman.
Gunplay: The practice of including actual (or simulated) firearms into a scene.
Handkerchief codes: visible signs to indicate to others your area of BDSM
interest
Hard limits: What someone absolutely will not do, usually non-negotiable.
Harem: A group of subs serving one or more Dom/mes.
Impact play: Part of sensation play, dealing with impact such as whips, riding
crops, paddles, floggers, etc.
Infantilism: Parent/child or parent/baby role playing.
Knife play: Slow, methodical sensation of the bottom with the edges and points
of knives, usually without cutting the skin. Fear of the weapon plays a large
part in the stimulus of the bottom.
Limits: What someone "won't" do or is hesitant to do
Masochism: Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure.
Masochist: Person who enjoys pain, usually sexually.
Meat slap: the act of hitting or slapping a partner with the penis in a
demeaning manner.
Mollywop / Molliwop: the act of hitting or slapping a partner with the penis in
a demeaning manner.
Mummification: Immobilising the body by wrapping it up, usually with multiple
layers of tight thin plastic sheeting. Breathing and other safety measures must
be appropriately taken care of, often by leaving the face (or at least the mouth
and nose) open. Body temperature (maintained to an extent by movement) may also
be affected so a warm environment and warm aftercare may be important.
Mummification is often used to enhance a feeling of total bodily helplessness,
and incorporated with sensation play.
Munch: A group of people that are into BDSM meeting at a vanilla place.
Sometimes this is a club. You might see an announcement like, "This weekend's
munch is at Denny's"
Nyotaimori: Human platters
Needle play: Temporary piercings done with sterile needles of varying gauges,
usually only for the duration of a scene.
Newbie: Someone new to BDSM.
OTK: Over the knee (spanking).
Painslut: A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain but may or may
not necessarily enjoy submitting.
Paraphilia
Play party: A BDSM event involving many people engaging in Scenes.
ProDom: Male professional dominant (charges money)
ProDomme: Female professional dominant (charges money)
Ponygirl or Ponyboy: Sub is dressed in a pony outfit, with mouth bit and anal
plug with a tail. They are told to prance or behave like a pony.
Puppy Play: Sub is made to act like a puppy. Sub barks, whines, eats from a
bowl, etc. Such play is almost never sexual, but rather focuses on the altered
mind-space of bottom/pup.
RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink
Rape fantasy: The pleasurable fantasy of inflicting or being a victim to an act
of consensual play-rape.
Sadism: The act of inflicting pain.
Sadist: Person who enjoys inflicting pain, usually sexually.
Safe, Sane and Consensual - SSC
Safeword - When a participant utters a safeword, BDSM activity stops.
Scat play: Feces play
Scene: A time period of BDSM activities.
Sensation play: BDSM play where the intent is to push people's sensory limits,
thus exploring texture, sensory deprival, through to whips, flaggillation and
edgeplay.
Session: A time period of BDSM activities with a ProDom/me.
Slave: Person who gives up a great degree of control in an ongoing D/s
relationship, sometimes with few remaining limits. Often those who identify as
"slave" have a great desire for being of service to their dominant, sometimes
referred to as "service-oriented submission."
Slave Position: Also called The Pleasure Position. Sub is kneeling, legs spread,
head down and hands on thighs, with palms up
Soft Limits: Something that someone is hesitant to do or nervous to try. They
can sometimes be talked into the activity, or preferably it may be negotiated at
a trial or beginner level into a scene.
Subdrop: A physical condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms,
experienced by a submissive after an intense session of BDSM play. This can last
for as long as a week, and is best prevented by aftercare immediately after the
session.
submissive, or "sub" for short. Person that gives up control either all the time
or only during a scene
Subspace: A "natural high" that a sub gets during a scene or when being
controlled. The sub may feel disconnected from time, space, and/or their body,
and may have limited ability to communicate. It is critical that a Dom(me) be
aware of their sub's wellbeing if they are in subspace.
switch: Someone who likes being both Dominant and submissive, either in one
scene or on different occasions.
Taken in hand: 24/7 Male dominance in monogamous marriage, with or without BDSM
aspects.
Tease and denial: keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing
resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory
tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. Also see orgasm denial.
Top: Dominant person either all the time or only during a scene.
Topping from the bottom: A submissive who nonetheless wants to direct the top.
Training: Either referring to a short period of time (a scene) or an ongoing
effort of the Dom/me teaching the sub how to act. Can either be a playful thing
or a serious thing, depending on the couple.
Vanilla: Someone who is not in the lifestyle. Alternatively, sexual behaviour
which does not encompass BDSM activity. The term is sometimes used in a
derogatory sense.
Wannabe: Someone who thinks or claims to be knowledgeable about BDSM, but is
not. Especially prevalent with new Doms.
WIITWD: What it is that we do. A broad term referring to all forms of
alternative sexuality.
Wax play: The Dom drips hot wax on the sub.

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